🔍 Pattern #7: The list is not the relationship

Hello and Welcome to Behind the Friction, Reader!

Every Friday, I pull back the curtain on something I’ve noticed while working on my own business… hoping it helps you see yours a little differently too.

Looking for a previous issue? They are all available to read on my website.

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I’ve been thinking about lists this week.

To-do lists.
Email lists.
People of Interest.
​(Yes, the Netflix series)

The useful thing about a list is that it helps us remember people.
The less useful thing is when it turns people into a list.

Because somewhere along the way, a person can become:

A subscriber.
A sale.
An affiliate.
A testimonial.
A possible opportunity.

And look, I get it.

We run businesses. We need customers. We need emails. Sometimes we really do need someone to answer a message. 😅

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But this is where a little friction creeps in.

A welcome sequence becomes, “Here are all the things I sell.”
A transaction email becomes a receipt and a cheerful “You’re in!”
A newsletter only appears when there is a discount attached.

None of those things is evil. They are very normal.

But the person at the other end is still wondering:

“Is this really for someone like me?”
“Do you understand what happens after I buy this?”
“Where do I even start?”

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Some time ago, someone replied to one of my emails with something that has stayed with me:

“I am the person you write about!”

Not because I had given her a magic solution.

I had simply named an experience she was already having: feeling buried in templates and downloads, without knowing how to make them feel like hers.

That is the difference.

Your list is not the relationship.

It is only the door.

And the closer we get to a one-to-one message, the more this matters.

People can feel when you contacted them because you noticed something real.
They can also feel when the actual reason is hiding three paragraphs ahead. 👀

This does not mean you need to handwrite a personal note to every customer or subscriber.

But your welcome emails, purchase emails, newsletters, and messages can all make it easier for a real person to find their next step.

Even this newsletter is still one email going out to a list.

I just hope it feels more like a note from a person paying attention than a message from a Machine, designed to produce a specific outcome.

See you next week,

Stéphanie ❤️ ​Experience Design Consultant​ ​Seeing what others overlook.

P.S. A receipt is allowed to do more than make the customer second-guess what they just bought. Just saying!

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NOTE: I’m moving things around in the backend to make room for a new project. Can you help me spot “bad experiences” regarding my site, your members’ area, communications, or whatever? I would really appreciate your help with this! It will make it so much easier for me to fix and improve everything that needs attention. Thank you!

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Disclosure: From time to time, I will include links in the emails that would include promotions for my own products or affiliate products, meaning I get paid when you buy the product. However, I only ever mention products I love and would recommend whether I was being compensated or not. Always use due diligence when buying anything and remember, what works for me may not always work for you!

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